It’s been a very busy year.  I kept telling myself to write another post and then I’d forget.  Time passed and I hadn’t realized how much had passed until I signed into my account.  I’m still here.  I’m still dealing with a number of issues related to my breast cancer diagnoses.  The biggest being the pain and, even worse, the itch in my reconstructed breasts, and the neuropathy in my feet.

But I’ll get back to that in a bit.

Over the last year, many first responders have been diagnosed with 9/11 related cancers and other illnesses and a number of them have died.  It’s tough reading on social media or in the newspaper of another death.  It always makes me wonder why some people survive and other people do not.  Is there still more that we survivors are supposed to do?  Is just writing this blog and spreading my message my purpose? To help the next woman who will face breast cancer?  I don’t know but I guess we aren’t meant to know.

Last August I had the opportunity to travel to Italy with my best friend.  As it was a last minute trip (for me), I could only stay a week.  We stayed in Cernobbio (on Lake Como).  We also took a couple days and visited Rome, Vicenza, and Venice.  We also took a few hour trip into Lake Lugano, Switzerland.  I had an amazing time & because I loved Italy so much, I booked a trip for this past July with Charles & Gillian.   It was wonderful.  We took a tour of Sicily and Southern Italy.  We extended the tour a day on the front (in Palermo) and a day on the end (in Rome).  We saw many wonderful sights including: Monreale (Norman Cathedral), Agrigento (Valley of the Temples), Taormina (Greek Theatre with an erupting Mt. Etna as a backdrop), Giardini Naxos & Catania (Mt. Etna & Allied Landing Museum), Reggio Calabria, Matera (Sassi), Alberobello (Trulli), Castellammare di Stabia (with Mt. Vesuvius as a backdrop), Pompeii, and Rome.  On the extra day in Rome, we took a VIP tour of the Vatican museums (Waking Up the Vatican).  We were three of only 20 people in the museums.  We unlocked doors and windows, and turned on lights.  This was truly a once in a lifetime experience.  I would definitely recommend the tour if you wanted to enjoy the Vatican museums without the huge crowds.

May 2019 was very busy.  Charles & I went to Philadelphia for a long weekend.  Xavier graduated from Temple Law School on Thursday May 16, 2019 and two days later, on May 18, 2019, he married Kaitlyn.  They had a small wedding (by our family’s standard) of 40 people at the Philadelphia Wedding Chapel.  Christian and Gillian were part of the wedding party.  A brunch reception was the following morning at The Dandelion.  The whole wedding was planned in under 4 months.  Kaitlyn had been teaching English in China for over a year and had only returned to the US in January.  (Xavier took the Pennsylvania Bar Exam at the end of July & I’m proud to say that he passed)!

Gillian graduated from the undergraduate portion of the her 7 year BS/MD program at the City College of New York on May 31st.  She started Medical School in August, a couple weeks after we came home from Italy.  Gillian comes home for an occasional weekend and I’ve visited her in NYC a couple times.

On October 10, 2019 I had a parathyroidectomy.  I had been putting the surgery off for three years.  I had an adenoma on one node of my parathyroid (the node was removed),  which was causing my parathyroid hormone (parathormone) to be high and the calcium in my blood to be high.  If your parathyroid is working normally, the hormone level would be high if your blood calcium is low (and vice versa).  The high hormone level was causing calcium to be leeched out of my bones (causing osteopenia which could have lead to osteoporosis).  When I was originally referred to the ENT who specialized in the parathyroid, he wanted to do surgery right away.  I saw the World Trade Center doctor & she suggested I see an endocrinologist first.  The endocrinologist advised me I could wait a while. However, if my blood calcium reached a certain level, surgery would be necessary.  I reached the level earlier this year.  I went to the ENT in February or March and as my son was getting married in May and I didn’t want a nasty scar on my neck, surgery was scheduled for mid June.  Then I got tickets to see Hamilton on Broadway.  Surgery or Hamilton.  It was a no brainer.  I hoped to reschedule to surgery for late July or August.  Unfortunately the ENT had no availability until October.  I must admit, I also put off the surgery because over the last few years, I had so much surgery, I was all “surgery’d out.”  In addition to chemo brain, I am now dealing with the general anesthesia brain fog.  Oh Joy.  I just love it when I can’t spit a word out or remember something.  

The weekend of October 18th, Xavier & Kaitlyn, Christian, and Gillian were all home.  It was nice for all of us to be together because we aren’t sure when we will all be together again.  Christian works a crazy schedule with Hornbeck Offshore.  He had come home very early Friday morning (after working for 6 weeks straight off the coast of Mexico) and he was flying out very early Sunday morning to Miami.  He moved down to Florida.  On Sunday Xavier, Kaitlyn, Gillian, & I participated in the Making Strides Against Breast Cancer walk.  I’m happy to say that our small team (Team Coddfish) raised about $3700.

As previous noted, Christian moved down to Key Largo.  Less than a week later, he proposed to his now fiancée Christina (she is also a mariner).  We are so excited to be adding another daughter to our family.

Neuropathy- it sucks.  I have “dead” spots on my right foot.  I have feeling in my foot, but it feels numb.  I also get pain & tingling from just below my right knee down to my foot.  I have the same issue going down my left leg but not nearly as bad.  I am on a few different medications for the neuropathy as sometimes it is so bad, I can’t fall asleep.  I was started on Gabapentin, then Nortriptyline.  The Nortriptyline worked for a few months & then it stopped, so the neurologist doubled the dose.  The double dose started messing with my emotions.  I just felt “blah.”  I told the neurologist. He cut the Nortriptyline back to the original dose & added Gabapentin again (he upped the dosage of Gabapentin).  I’m supposed to take Gabapentin 3x per day, however, with all the side effects I’d read, I’d probably never be able to leave my house.  I usually take it at bedtime.  If that doesn’t help & I’m still up at 3 am, I take another.  I recently started taking magnesium as well.  I’ll give that a some time to see if it works.  So…that’s the neuropathy.

Itchy. Achy. Boobs……….I’m not sure which is worse.  The neuropathy or my reconstructed breasts.  I get random sharp pains shooting through my breast.  It’s almost as if I am being stabbed through (the reconstructed) nipple.  I also experience muscle spasms in above my right breast and occasionally by my right rib cage.  It can occur while reaching for something, stretching, exercising, etc.  I usually have to stop what I am doing & try to breathe through the pain.  The pain doesn’t usually last long, but it is intense.  Then there is the itch.  Have you ever had an itch you couldn’t scratch?  It can drive you nuts.  I get an itch deep within the scars of my right breast.  I can’t scratch it.  I usually end up punching myself.  This can occur anywhere.  People must think I am nuts at times as I am punching myself in the chest.   I occasionally get an itch in my left breast but isn’t as bad.   I had reconstructive surgery (DIEP flap & SGAP) back in March of 2014 & revision surgery in December of 2014.  It has been almost 5 years since the last of my reconstructive surgeries and  I thought the pain and itch should be gone by now.  So, what do most people do when they want answers, I Googled my symptoms.  I found a possible answer to all of my issues: Post Mastectomy Pain Syndrome.  Hooray, I’m not crazy.  The pain and itch aren’t all in my head.

Please continue to pray for all of our first responders and volunteers who spent time down at Ground Zero and for the students and residents who went to school in the area and are now suffering from cancers and other illnesses attributed to the toxins in the area.

I will edit this post soon to include photos. My computer is being fussy and as it has been so long since I posted, I’d like to publish this rather than waiting for the photos.

In past posts I’ve mentioned issues with my breathing.  I’ve been living with asthma for a number of years and though there have been times I’d been to the Emergency Room due to an asthma attack, after a couple nebulizer treatments, the wheezing and/or tightness would pass and I’d be on my way home.  I’ve been on a number of different asthma medications over the years.  However, since the summer things have gotten worse.

A couple years ago, my friend and old work partner Carol, asked me if I wanted to run a half marathon as she planned on running a half in every state.  I was no runner.  I never enjoyed running. I only ran when I had to and the last time I had to run was in the Police Academy; in 1987.    My idea of a fun workout was dancing or Tae Kwon Do.  As I had finally finished all of my cancer treatments and reconstructive surgeries, I thought about her offer.  Maybe I could train for and run a half marathon.  It would be a life affirming quest.  If I could get through breast cancer (again & again), I could complete 13.1 miles.  Once I decided to sign up, I asked a couple of my sisters to join me.  I also roped (actually guilt-ed) my daughter into signing up as well.  My friend sent me a training schedule and I started running…slowly.  It was very difficult at times as I spent a lot of time sucking wind because of my asthma and my chemotherapy weight gain, and my various scars caused me a lot of pain, but I pushed through and went a little farther each week.  My ultimate goal was to jog/walk the half marathon and to complete it in under 3:30.  Prior to the actual half, I participated in my first 5K.  I didn’t run the whole race, I jogged/walked, but I finished.  I ended up participating in a couple 5K’s before the half and jog/walked them to completion.

The night before the half marathon, my sisters, daughter, and I went to our hotel.  I wasn’t even sure I’d be able to participate the following morning because my right hip/groin/buttock was killing me.  (I had DIEP flap and SGAP breast reconstruction.  The SGAP portion involved the surgeon removing a portion of my right butt cheek/artery and using this to make my left breast.  I also had had a drain sticking out of my right hip post surgery).  Prior to all of the above I had been dealing with pain and tingling in my feet post chemotherapy.

The following day, we took the train to the location of the half and walked over a mile to get to our starting chute.  There was a lot of excitement in the air and all the participants were having a great time.  After a while it was finally our turn to get started.  The plan was to try to stick together for a few miles and then go at our own paces.  My friend was not with our slow poke group as she had participated in half marathons in the past and was with a faster group.  I started jogging.  I had planned to jog a couple miles and walk a couple miles.  With all the excitement, I ended up jogging over 3 miles before I walked.  This was the farthest I’d ever jogged.  I continued to jog/walk and eventually I lost sight of my family members.  It was tough but I kept going; telling myself to jog a little longer, push the walk a little harder.  When it was all said and done, I ended up finishing the half in under 3 hours.  I was in a lot of pain but I felt such a sense of accomplishment!  This half marathon experience was turning me into a jogger.  (I had never really considered myself a runner as my jog time is turtle time.  Speed is not in my vocabulary).  After the half, I continued to train.  I pushed myself harder and jogged longer.  With my sister or my friend, I signed up for more 5K’s.  I eventually jogged a whole 5K.  I tried to push for a slightly faster time with each subsequent race, though there were times when my lungs weren’t having any of it and I trudged through the race.  I just wanted to make it through without walking.  I had no plan to ever participate in a half marathon again but I did enjoy the 5K’s.

In late 2016, I heard about a race in Philly with some awesome race swag.  The Hot Chocolate 15K.  It sounded like a fun time (and I LOVE CHOCOLATE), so I signed up with a sister, my son and his fiancée to run the race.  As my son lives in Philly, this race was a great idea.  The race took place in April of 2017.  My plan was to once again jog/walk the distance.  I continued to train and increased my jogging distance each week when I was able.  I started experiencing other issues.  My feet would burn.  I would have to take my shoes off at various times during the day because my feet felt like they were on fire.  I kept on training though.

A couple weeks before the 15K, I got sick.  I had joined the “Confirmation Choir” at church and had gone to the various practices.  A few days before the Confirmation Masses, I was diagnosed with bronchitis and laryngitis, as well as an exacerbation of my asthma.  (I usually get bronchitis or a bad cold a few times a year and the asthma makes it that much more pleasant. Ugh).  I was not able to sing with the Confirmation Choir.  I couldn’t even talk.  My doctor prescribed antibiotics and my favorite: steroids!!! The day of the 15K, my plan was to just finish the race.  However, once I started jogging the course, I never stopped.  The course was relatively flat, which was refreshing.  In my mind, I broke the course into three 5K’s instead of a 15K. I knew I could jog a full 5K because I had already done it.  Once the first 5K was done, I told myself to go a little farther.  Eventually I finished the second 5K.  The third 5K was the worst though.  I thought I was going to pass out a few times.  My lungs were hurting.  However, I am extremely stubborn and I pushed on.  My jog was definitely on turtle pace but I didn’t stop. I had made it that far, I was going to make it to the end.  And I did.  Once we all met up at the finish line, we had to take pictures with “Rocky”.  I also managed a WALK up the Rocky stairs.  However, I was breathing hard.

After the 15K, I continued to jog.  My sister and friend tried to talk me into another half marathon.  My sister also got me a subscription to a running magazine.  We discussed other 5K’s we’d do together.  Some days were better than others but I kept on.  Until the summer of 2017.

I had cut back slightly on jogging in order to spend more time training in Tae Kwon Do.

I had been training in Tae Kwon Do for over 12 years and had been a first degree black belt since August of 2008.  Unfortunately work, my breast cancer diagnoses, treatments, and surgeries, as well as more work, prohibited me from testing for my second degree black belt.  As I no longer had to travel into work while I was using all of my vacation time, I felt the summer of 2017 would be an excellent time to finally test for my second degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do.  My daughter tested for her first degree with me in 2008 but by 2017, she was a third degree black belt.  I felt stuck.  I wanted to move on and learn new things.  The summer would be the perfect time as my daughter would be home from college and she would be able to go over the various forms and self defense moves with me.  As I suffer from chemo brain, remembering all of the forms was difficult for me.  I had no problem with my color belt forms as I had learned them all prior to my cancer diagnoses, but the nineteen black belt forms were giving me hell.  I kept confusing them.  The summer was tough.  My breathing was tougher.  There were days when I would just go through the motions.  It felt like I was breathing through a straw.  I was using my inhaler regularly.  Always 15 minutes before working out (doctor’s orders) and many times during classes.  There were times where we would be in class and I would have to stop because I was seeing black spots.  This is NOT good.  I went back to my doctor and was put on different medications.  We went down to Florida and I tried jogging a little.  I went either early or late as I was not going to try to jog during the middle of the day.  I could barely jog a mile at a clip.  I was walking much more.  This didn’t make me happy.  I needed to keep my stamina up because in order to test for my second degree black belt, I would have to spar (fight) for a least 6 minutes straight with two opponents.

As previously posted, I ended up taking a break from everything when the Port fiasco ensued.  In the end, I was unable to test for my second degree black belt in the summer.  I tried to start jogging again and the breathing became more difficult.  I tried to push a mile and it was very tough.  I went to my doctor and a pulmonologist.  I had tests done.  I was put on more steroids.  Oh Joy!  According to pulmonologist, my problem was not my lung capacity.  On all tests, my lung capacity was fine.  My problem was inflammation.  And the steroids deal with the inflammation.  I signed up for a 5K with my friend.  She left me in the wind.  I could barely jog a mile.  I ended up walking most of it.  I signed up for another 5K.  The same thing happened.  I went to the WTC doctors.  We went over all of my medications.  According to the doctor, I wasn’t taking everything as I should.  She also recommended I lose weight.  I also complained about the issues in my feet (burning and tingling) and she suggested that I forgo jogging and walk instead.  Low impact instead of high impact.  I went home and made it a point to take all of my medication when I was supposed to.  I never missed a dose.  I started working out on an elliptical instead of jogging.  Things appeared to be getting a bit better.

But in December I got sick again.  Back on antibiotics and steroids…and more steroids.  Somehow, with taking my meds, I managed to get through my second degree black belt test on December 22nd: approximately 30 forms, a bunch of self defense moves for each belt level (il suk shi and hosinsul), ten minute horse stance, and 6 minutes of sparring; with my inhaler, water, Power Ade, and a banana at my side (and my family there with me to cheer me on). My Grandmaster made some allowances for me: since my reconstructive surgery, I have been unable to do push-ups or sit-ups so I was exempted and instead of full contact sparring, I did touch contact sparring.

In January I started Weight Watchers again and slowly began to lose weight.  I went back to my doctor and pulmonologist.  More steroids.  Different medications. Good days and not so good days.  Tap dancing and Tae Kwon Do.

On March 14th, I went back to the WTC doctor for a follow-up.  I explained my breathing issues and how it was strange that though I had good lung capacity, I was sucking wind.  I was down almost 15 pounds, with another 10 or so to go.  Things should be better, not worse. The doctor told me that not everything is physical and perhaps some of my breathing issues were psychological.  Wow!!! I couldn’t believe she said that.  This was the same doctor that got me certified for Breast Cancer and ASTHMA with the WTC Health Program.  I was polite and held my tongue.  I know I have some anxiety issues.  (Tunnels, I hate you).  But I deal pretty well  I had been doing deep breathing exercises and using other tools to deal with them.

That same week, my son contracted a bad cold and cough.  I tried to stay away from him but on St. Patrick’s Day, I woke up feeling like garbage.  I had originally planned to march in the St. Patrick’s Day Parade in NYC with the LAOH.  Nope.  I stayed home and watched the parade on TV.  The following day I was feeling worse.  I went to Mass as I had been assigned to lector that day.  I barely made it through the closing announcements I was so short of breath.  I made an appointment to see my doctor on Monday the 19th.  I hadn’t slept because I had been up coughing all night.  The over the counter cough and cold medicine was doing nothing for me and my lungs sounded like the “Snap, Crackle, and Pop” of Rice Krispies in milk (or Pop Rocks in your mouth).  My doctor put me on a Z Pack and low dose steroids.  I told him that the WTC doctor told me that my breathing issues may not all be physical.  He looked surprised and asked if the doctor actually knew my medical history!  By Friday March 23rd, I was still feeling miserable.  Any physical activity was draining.  I was coughing a lot.  After every cough attack, I would look at the Fitbit on my wrist and my heart rate would be hovering around 90.  The Fitbit read “Fat Burn.” Who knew coughing was a work out?  I went back to my doctor.  He prescribed Levaquin and doubled the steroid dosage.  On Palm Sunday, I was unable to go to Mass.    Charles stopped and picked up Palms for me and my friend Patrick came and brought me Holy Communion.  I stayed on my couch in my pajamas all day.  Even getting dressed was a chore. In the evening, I took a hot bath hoping it would help.  I got out of the tub and felt even worse.  Charles wanted to take me to the Emergency Room.  I used my nebulizer instead and once my heart rate slowed, I tried to fall asleep sitting up on the couch.  I had been attempting to sleep sitting upright all week.  As I was unable to sleep, I decided to color in my “Adult Coloring Book.” This became difficult because I kept getting cramps in my hands (and feet).  On Monday the 26th, I was still feeling shitty  and short of breath.  I decided to use my nebulizer again.  Whilst using my nebulizer, my hands and feet went numb and I got dizzy.  I walked into my kitchen and leaned over my counter.  When I went to stand up, I temporarily blacked out.  My arms and legs just gave out and I saw black.  Thankfully Charles was there to catch me.  We called my doctor again.  Back to his office.  He took one look at me and sent me to the Emergency Room so that additional tests (Chest X-ray) could be done and so that I could get some IV steroids.  (This time I is was in cubicle 9).

It was bizarre.  My doctor called with some orders and the testing was done.  An IV was started and a bunch of blood work was done, including tests to see if I had a blood infection (though these results would not be available for at least 48-72 hours).  A nebulizer treatment was also done.  The Chest X-Ray was negative (no pneumonia) as was the flu test.  I  did NOT have a fever.  My temperature hovered around 97.8.  The ER doctor didn’t think my wheezing sounded too bad and considered sending me home.  I explained that my asthma issues didn’t always present with wheezing.  It was worse for me when my chest was so tight there was no wheezing.  He asked if I wanted to be admitted to the hospital! I’m not a doctor.  What did my doctor say???!! The decision was ultimately made to admit me for a couple days so that I may receive high dose IV steroids.  I was brought up to a room.  More testing.  A Chest CT.  Also clear.  I didn’t sleep at all Monday night.  Breathing treatments every four hours and too many steroids pumping through my system.

Tuesday was much of the same. And, because my lactic acid was high, lots and lots of fluids in the IV.  Every three-four  hours my hand was poked for more blood.  If the lactic acid was high, 1000 ml of fluid through the IV in a half hour or so.  My arm was killing me and my fingers looked like sausages.  I was starting to freak out.  As high lactic acid is also a sign of sepsis, I was being put through the Sepsis protocol.  I call it the CYA (cover your ass) protocol.  Though my lactic acid was high, the pulmonologist seeing me did not believe I had an infection as I hadn’t presented with a fever or other issues indicative of an infection, though he did put me on Augmentin (as the Z Pack and Levaquin had done nothing for me).  He believed my issues were a combination of an asthmatic exacerbation coupled with GERD.  His explanation: Coughing is an anaerobic exercise.  I was coughing constantly.  Anaerobic exercise produces lactic acid.  As I was coughing so much, I was producing an abundance of lactic acid.  When I mentioned the cramps in my hands and feet from Sunday night, he explained that the my lactic acid levels were probably the cause of the cramping.  As I have no medical background, I was shooting texts and DM’s to various siblings with nursing backgrounds and also trying to keep everyone in the loop.  I was starting to freak out.  (Another side effect of high dose steroids).  I was also having issues with my eyes and sight.  They were and still are very dry and I still don’t feel I can see as well as I had before.  (Yet another side effect of steroids).

Christian and Charles were spending time with me in the hospital when they could and my friend Patrick brought me Communion each day and prayed with me.  I  was originally told I’d be in the hospital only a couple days.  I kept telling the doctor and nurses that I wanted to be out for Easter.

Gillian wasn’t due to start Spring Break until Thursday.  When Charles told her I was admitted to the hospital, she emailed her professors and Charles picked her up on Tuesday.  She spent a lot of time with me during my stay (my future doctor)!!

Then my glucose started spiking.  Apparently high dose steroids also wreck havoc with glucose levels.  I am not diabetic but I was given a few doses of insulin on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday.

On Wednesday afternoon I was still having a bit of a freak out.  My mom called to see how I was doing.  She offered to come up to visit but I told her she could wait until the following morning.  She called my bluff.  I really wanted my mom.  She drove up that afternoon and visited with me.  She stayed the night at our house and visited with me again in the morning before going home to continue her Easter baking.  Sometimes you really need your mom around!

On Thursday afternoon, they finally ended the lactic acid testing, Xavier came home Thursday evening, and on Friday morning, the dose of steroids was cut in half.  They kept me on IV fluids until very early Friday (or very late Thursday).  I saw the pulmonologist on Friday morning and he asked what I wanted to do.  I told him I wanted to be home for Easter so he agreed to discharge me (with a bunch of meds and instructions to see my doctor the following week and to follow up with the pulmonologist in two weeks.  It was funny really.  Each day when he saw me, he listened my lungs and it wasn’t until Friday that he actually heard wheezing.

I got home Friday afternoon and tried to relax.  Unfortunately high dose steroids were still swirling through my system.  I tried to take a nap but my brain would not turn off.  I was still having difficulty breathing and my chest was tight.  I started to freak out.  I ended up almost having a panic attack.  On the night of Good Friday, I called my doctor’s answering service and begged to talk to him.  I thought I may have left the hospital too soon and I was rambling.  He calmed me down and I was able to chill out.  I didn’t sleep well on Friday night.  I took it easy on Saturday as well.  Spent most of the day on the couch in sweatpants while directing chore assignments at the kids.  I continued my breathing treatments, steroids, antibiotics and GERD meds.  I started to feel a tiny bit better Saturday night but I didn’t sleep well.

On Easter morning, I slept late and did not make it to Mass.  Gillian went.  I was supposed to be singing with the choir.  Hard to sing when you have difficulty breathing.  I eventually got up, took a shower, and put some real clothes on as some family members were coming over for dinner.  I took it easy and let others do a lot for me.  I was told to eat a Low Carb diet whilst on the steroids.  I can’t say that I did that well with it on Easter.  My mom’s homemade cookies and pies are awesome.  I didn’t sleep well Sunday night.

Charles got up early to bring Xavier back to Philly during our April 2nd snow storm! As I was feeling a little better, I tried to do a couple things.  I tried to bring my clothes up from the basement.  Bad move.  I was totally out of breathe.  The nurse manager from the hospital called and she told me to relax as she could hear I was out of breath.  My WTC Case manager called and told me the same thing.  Relax!!!! Let others do for you.  Being a former police officer and a mother, that is one of the hardest things for me to do. Thankfully Gillian is on Spring Break this whole week.   I will continue to take my medication.  I will take it easy and let others do for me.  Well…at least I’ll try.

And I hope and pray that the Breathlessness will subside and I can get back to enjoying every minute of my life.

Oh and BTW WTC doctor, this breathing thing: It’s real.  Not all people are the same and not all symptoms present the same.  This does not make the issues any less real.  I’ve been living this, not you. 

PS- Congratulations Christian on your first job in the shipping industry. Good Luck in Louisiana and watch out for the Rougarou! Dad and I will miss you terribly when you are at sea.

I am now officially retired and I’m loving it. I’ve been keeping busy. We’ve been doing a lot of work on our home: new roof on our garage, pavers for our front walk, a pool, and we recently finished a kitchen renovation, which was to be completed by Christmas, but wasn’t.  But that is a whole other story.

As previously mentioned, my oncologist said I could get my Mediport removed as I had a clean PETScan.  I made an appointment for the surgery for July 12th, after we came back from vacationing in Florida.  As I don’t like general anesthesia, I asked the surgeon if he could do the surgery under local anesthesia.  The surgery was supposed to be pretty quick.  A half hour at most in a surgical center.  I forgot that you get strapped down during surgery and to ease my mind, I asked if the doctor could play some music, which he did.  There was a nurse and an anesthesiologist in the room as well.  The doctor injected some local anesthetic and then began the surgery to remove the Port.  I could smell my flesh burning as he used the cautery.  It was all going well until he started tugging on the reservoir of the port to try to remove catheter.  The catheter which went under my collarbone, was threaded into my vena cava.  The doctor tugged and tugged and couldn’t get remove the catheter.  He was digging under my collarbone for a bit.  Though I didn’t have much pain, there was a lot of pressure.  It felt like my heart and ribs were going to pulled out of my chest.  I started freaking out and thought I was going to pass out.  The anesthesiologist gave me a sedative to chill me.  I told the doctor that he had to stop.  The doctor stopped the surgery.  He said that he didn’t have the expertise nor was the surgical center the place to try to remove the Mediport in case anything went wrong.  I appreciated that the doctor knew his limits.  He didn’t want to take the chance that harm would be caused within the central venous system.

A fluoroscopy revealed that the tip of the catheter became bent possibly from the radiation treatment I received.  The catheter may also have been stuck to the side of the vein in scar tissue.

After this failed attempt at removal, the doctor said I could still do my regular activities, however, Charles and I were wary.  We were afraid something might move and cause problems.  So I took things real easy.  My chest was also bothering me from all the tugging and digging.

I was referred to an Interventional Radiologist to see if he would have better luck with the removal process.  After going through the WTC Health Program, I finally had an appointment for surgery on July 27th.  I went to the surgical center and was prepped for the surgery.  The thought of the doctor was if he could not remove the catheter from the chest, he would go through a vein in my groin to try to remove the catheter via that route.  I was given a local anesthetic and a sedative and the doctor opened the incision that my previous doctor had made.  The doctor removed the reservoir of the Mediport and then began pulling on the catheter.  He began tugging so hard I thought  I was going to die.  I told the doctor he was “killing me!”  I once again felt like my ribs and heart were going to be pulled out of my chest.  The doctor also made an additional incision to try to remove the catheter with no success.  I was given more sedative and the doctors in the surgical room took a step back to try to figure out a course of action.  The doctor inserted a guide wire through the catheter into the vena cava and attempted to remove the catheter but this was unsuccessful.  The doctor then decided to thread an angioplasty balloon into the catheter and several inflations were made within the catheter to dilate the tract.  The catheter was then able to be removed.  Thank God!!

A few weeks later, I was finally able to get back to my regular activities.  It was a relief to not have to continue getting my Port flushed on a regular basis.  Every time I got the Port flushed it reminded me of my chemotherapy treatments.  I was glad to be done with it.

I retired on October 21, 2017 after 30 years, 9 months, and 1 day.

It’s been just under 3 months since I’ve gone to work (with the exception of a couple visits). I miss my co-workers but I don’t really miss the job (anymore).  To occupy my time, I’ve been reading, I’ve gone back to Tae Kwon Do, and I’ve been making earrings (the proceeds of which, I donate to charity).  I’ve also joined the choir at church.  In the summer, I plan to start tap dancing again.

I’m still jogging when I can breathe and when my right hip isn’t causing me pain!! I try to get out twice a week.  I jogged (slowly) the Hot Chocolate 15K in Philly on April 1st with my son and his fiancé and friends, and my sister, Monica.  I didn’t even think I’d be able to participate as the week prior, I came down with laryngitis and bronchitis.  I finished my antibiotics the day of the race.   (I had also joined the Confirmation Choir at church & had gone to a couple practices but two days before Confirmation, the laryngitis started, so singing was out).    Monica and I jogged a 5K in Brooklyn a couple weeks later for children with disabilities and autism.  I am going to do the NYPD memorial 5K this weekend as well.  Hopefully it won’t be too hot.  My lungs don’t like it too hot or too cold.  I end up with an asthma attack when the weather is extreme in either direction.

Xavier came up for a visit.  He had just finished his first year of law school.  It was nice seeing him as it had been about a month since we had seen him last.  In mid-April, we took a trip down to Philly to surprise him on his birthday.  It was a three hour drive each way and we stayed for about an hour.  He was very happy & enjoyed the cake my daughter made for him.  While he was home, we went jogging one day.  I did OK but ended up coughing a lot when I was done.  I did two nebulizer treatments that afternoon and evening.  When I went to bed, I had a crazy cough attack.  I thought I’d have to go to the Emergency Room, but finally after about 20 minutes or so, many cough drops & laying in a slightly elevated position, the coughing subsided.

As I am retiring, I went for a nuclear cardiac stress test.  My blood pressure was good & I did well on the treadmill.  I hadn’t had any issues with my heart in the past.  However, when I saw the doctor afterward, he advised that he had seen a shadow on the pictures and the shadow got worse after I was on the treadmill.  A shadow could be indicative of a blockage.  He didn’t seem too worried, however, this worried me as some of the chemotherapy drugs I had been on can be toxic to your heart.  He recommended that I have a cardiac CT scan to rule out any blockage or other cardiac issues.  (He also asked if I ever had chest pain or shortness of breath.  I advised that I often have shortness of breath as I have asthma)!!!  I had to wait over a week for the CT Scan & while waiting for this test, I was too nervous to go out jogging.  I was afraid I’d have a heart attack! Well, I had the CT test on Monday.  I was told that the doctor reads the tests at the end of the day & that I should hear something Monday night or Tuesday.  I called the office Tuesday to find out the results.  I was transferred to someone who could “help me.”  He just made me nervous.  He wouldn’t give me any information, just told me that the doctor would call me with the results.  I told him that I had a class at 11 but the doctor could leave me a message.  The guy then asks when I would be available for the doctor to speak with me! OK! Great way to freak me out! Now I think there is something wrong.  I finally heard back from the doctor’s office (not the doctor)  a couple hours later, that the test was normal.  Thank God! If the guy could have told me that a couple hours earlier, it would have saved me some stress.  I try not to worry because life is too short.  But I’ve had too many occurrences where doctors had told me not to worry because most likely nothing was wrong and something was wrong!  CANCER! Three times.

I saw my oncologist today.  He previously told me that he wanted to make sure I had a clean PET Scan before I got my Medi-Port removed.  I showed him a copy of my PET Scan results & he gave me the Okay to have the port removed.  Hooray!  Now to make another appointment with my surgeon.   I’ve had the Port for over five years.  It would be nice not to have the Port flushed monthly.  It’s just a reminder of a couple crappy years that I’d like to put behind me.  When we previously discussed getting my port removed, the surgeon said it could be done under local anesthesia.  (I hate general)!!!  I can’t wait to have it removed.

All in all, I’ve been alright.  I’ve been getting sciatic pain (I think).  I can’t sit for too long or my left butt cheek hurts.  As a matter of fact, it’s hurting now.  I still get pain in my right hip and my surgical scars still itch incessantly.  The doctors aren’t sure what to do about the itch.  I still suffer from neuropathy but I can deal with all of this.  I’m still here.

Please say a prayer for and support all of our first responders.  Too many are being diagnosed with catastrophic illnesses, such as cancers.  9/11 continues to claim additional victims everyday.

Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukah! Happy New Year! Happy Birthday! Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

It has been over a year since I have written.  Much has gone on in the last year.  In January, I turned 50.  A few years ago, after my third bout of breast cancer, I didn’t know if I’d see 50, yet here I am.  Yay!!! My husband and children plan on having a combination 50th birthday/retirement party for me at some point in the Spring, when a snow storm shouldn’t be an issue.  Look out this Tuesday!  We are supposed to get a lot of snow.  Though who knows if that will happen.  We may have an Engagement Party to plan.

(My official work retirement party with my NYPD family will be on April 21st, in the City.  Thank you Lilly and Monica for putting it together).

Did I say retirement party? Oh yeah. January, I celebrated 30 years with the NYPD.  I am now using all of my accrued vacation/comp time & my official retirement date should be July 31st.  It feels strange not heading into work.  It still feels like I’m on vacation.  I guess it hasn’t totally sunk in yet.  I joined the “Confirmation Choir” at Church & may join one of the Mass choirs as well.  I plan on going back to “tap dancing” & maybe I’ll go back to Tae Kwon Do and finally test for my second degree black belt.  (If I can remember all of my forms).  Charles & I hope to get an RV and travel this great USA.  There are many states I have yet to see.  We also  want to travel abroad.  I’m looking forward to Italy in 2018.

Over the last few months, many people had asked when my last official day at work would be.  I had originally planned on taking off in November or December, however, there were a few issues I had to deal with first.  I have had a few neck sonograms and other tests which have shown nodes on my thyroid/parathyroid.  I also have been diagnosed as having hypothyroidism & am currently on thyroid meds.  I have had two separate thyroid needle biopsies and in both instances, the doctor was unable to get sufficient cells for a determination.  The biopsies were horrible.  For each biopsy, the doctor stuck a needle into my neck three times, trying to get cells from two separate nodes on the left side of my neck.  Each time the needle went into my neck, it felt like the doctor hit a nerve.  I experienced pain in the back of my neck and down into my left shoulder.  I was literally in tears with each  needle placement.  I hope NOT to have to do that again.  I decided to see another doctor for a second opinion.  He recommended a couple tests, including another neck sonogram, some blood & urine work, and a bone scan.   When the results came in, this doctor noted that I had some osteopenia in my spine (thinning of my bones) but felt that this may be due to menopause (which the chemo caused).  However, he didn’t feel that I needed any surgery at this time.  Once I got the good news, I made my appointment with the pension section.  I went to the Pension Section on February 21st & my last official day at work was the day after.  I will go back at some point in June to go to the range one last time and to turn in all of my Department property. Before that happens though, I will see the doctor again to make sure that I’m still good and surgery is still not recommended.

We had a lot going on in 2016.  Early in the year, Charles had his left knee replaced.  I was able to take about 6 weeks off to be with him while he recovered.

Gillian graduated high school and started college.  She also tested for her 3rd degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do.  She was accepted to all the schools she applied to, with a couple schools offering full scholarships (Temple University and McCauley’s Honors College @ CCNY).  She received a few scholarships from NYPD fraternal organizations.  She decided to attend the Sophie Davis/CUNY Medical School program at City College (CCNY), a 7 year BS/MD program, where if she does well in the undergraduate program, she will start CUNY Medical School in her 4th year (no MCAT necessary). Only about 90 students are accepted into the program each year.  She attended a pre-matriculation program in the summer and stayed at a family friend’s apartment in Harlem.  I spent a weekend with her to get her acclimated to the NYC subway system.  My country girl is becoming a city girl!  I miss our Sundays together.  We’d regularly go to Mass & follow up with lunch at Charlotte’s Tea Room.  As she is so busy with classes, she can’t come home every weekend.  Of course, I can always go down to the City and see her!

Xavier is in his second semester at Temple Law School.  He’s back living down in Philly.  Xavier came home for a couple days at Thanksgiving and for about a week for Christmas.  He hadn’t been home since he started school (though I saw him in NJ in September on my mom’s 80th birthday).  We went snow tubing! Fun! We brought Xavier & his girlfriend Kaitlyn back to Philly on New Years Day.  Hopefully we will see him a little more often but I hear the first year of Law School is crazy!

Xavier visited with Kaitlyn the weekend of March 4th as he wanted to try and visit a little more often & it was his “Spring Break.”  Well…..while they were here, they bought a ring & ended up getting engaged.  But that is their story, so they can tell it.  Congratulations! We love you.

We celebrated my mom’s 80th birthday in September.  Happy Birthday mom!  We love you.  You are the greatest mom ever.

Christian is a senior at SUNY Maritime.  He spent the whole summer at sea.  He went to Ireland, Italy, Spain, & Malta (I may be confusing this last location)! He’s on the off-shore sailing team so we barely saw him this past semester.  It was great having him home for the winter break and most weekends this semester as he is working at the local mountain. I must say that I am glad he is back at school because that mustache really had to go!

What has been going on with me for the past year?  I still see my oncologist every three months.  I still have the port implanted in my chest.  I want to have it removed but I need to find out what is up with my thyroid first & my oncologist wanted me to have a PET Scan prior to removal but my private insurance company feels a PET Scan is not medically necessary.  So, I continue to have my port flushed regularly I also tried to go through the WTC health plan for the PET Scan but it wasn’t approved through them yet.  The WTC plan is covering the thyroid appointments though (after a rough start getting the authorizations & some confusion).  I’ve had to contact my insurance company for some claims though because even with the WTC authorizations, the doctor’s  offices still billed my personal insurance company.  I guess the doctors figured they’d get paid quicker going through my insurance.

I finally got the PET/CT scan.  I was supposed to get the results within two days but when I still hadn’t heard anything 4 business days later, I called the doctor’s office.  I was informed that the test was negative.  When I see the oncologist in a couple months, I can hopefully get my Port removed.  When I saw the results for myself, I discovered that I now have a small hiatal hernia.  Not sure how that happened.  Maybe from all the surgery?  But it may explain why I experience nausea so often.  I guess I should talk to my surgeon about that.  Hopefully it won’t involve more surgery.

Charles, Gillian, and I did a tour of Ireland in July with one of my sisters and her family.  I had never been abroad.  We spent Independence Day in Killarney & there was USA Independence Day celebration there with Uncle Sam!  Ireland was beautiful & I definitely want to return.  I especially loved Clonmacnoise, the Cliffs of Moher, the Blarney Castle and grounds, the Ring of Kerry, and the Wild Atlantic Way.  All of the hotels that we stayed in were beautiful.  I would recommend a tour for a first trip to a country to get the feel of places that you’d like to stay in the future.  The downfalls were the length of time we had in certain locations.  As we were on a time schedule, we only had about an hour at the Cliffs of Moher.  I could have stayed there all day, it was that lovely.  We only had one bad weather day, which was when we visited the Hill of Uisneach (the sacred center of Ireland).

I jogged a few 5K fundraisers in 2016.  I try to jog at least 5k twice a week when the weather is nice.  If the weather is below 40 degrees, my lungs hurt too much and if I jog too much, my right hip hurts.  Recently, I jogged and probably over did it.  I got home & couldn’t stop coughing.  I did a treatment with my nebulizer & took a hot bath but the coughing didn’t stop & my right lung was hurting.  Charles thought he’d have to take me to the ER.  I did two additional treatments with my nebulizer and finally my coughing subsided enough that he wasn’t too concerned.  Of course I was unable to sleep for quite some time after using my nebulizer but at least I avoided an emergency room visit.   My usual workout is via an Elliptical.  As it is non impact, my hip pain is limited.

For the second year in a row, my command participated in “NYPD Blue goes Pink” by running a “Pink Friday” fundraiser at 1 Police Plaza for breast cancer awareness.  We designed and sold a challenge coin, made earrings and baked goods, and also sold pins. We raised around $7000.  All proceeds went to charities including: the American Cancer Society, Young Survival Coalition, Little Pink Houses of Hope, Breast Cancer Research Fund, Komen Foundation, and the Brain Tumor Foundation.  We also donated money to Brotherhood for the Fallen.

2016 was not a great year for Law Enforcement.  Too many officers were killed in the line of duty, including Sgt. Paul Tuozzolo of the NYPD.  There was an increase in ambush style attacks as well.  This world seems to be going crazy!

We elected a new President in 2016.  Many people felt strongly about the candidates.  Strong love or strong hate.  Many were unhappy about the choices we had for the general election.  There were and still are many protests.  Thank God I no longer have to deal with that!!!!!

Since I no longer have to head to work, I will try my best to update my blog more often.  When I was working in my last command, my commute to and from work was 4 hours a day.

Please pray for all of our first responders suffering from 9/11 related illnesses.  Though it has been over 16 years, more and more of our first responders are being diagnosed with cancer & other illnesses and many of us are dying.  Never forget.

It has been a long while since I have written a post. I’ve been very busy with work and my life has been busy.
Charles and I celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary on August 26th. We took a 9 day Caribbean cruise (our first) with our kids. We had a lovely vow renewal ceremony at St. Stephen’s Church on September 19th. I wore the dress I purchased when my sisters and I filmed “Curvy Brides”.

The Curvy Brides dress

The day before our vow renewal, I had a needle biopsy on an enlarged lymph node in my left breast. Thinking back, I think this same lymph node (previously in my left axilla) has been enlarged for some time. I think with all of the surgery (double mastectomy and various reconstruction surgeries), things were moved around a bit. I saw my oncologist after I had returned from our vacation because I felt a lump in the scar of my medi-port. (I have yet to get it removed). My oncologist felt that the lump I felt was probably related to the reconstructive surgery. He recommended I see my surgeon as a precaution.
I saw the surgeon and he recommended an MRI and sonogram. I got them both in early September. The following week, I was told by my surgeon that the radiologist wanted to do a “second look” sonogram. A person called to schedule the appointment and was going to make the appointment for the following Tuesday. I asked if the radiologist would be present and she stated that the radiologist was only present at the imaging center on Fridays. As the following day was a Friday, the woman stated that the only available appointment was 1 pm. I told her that I had an appointment with my plastic surgeon at 2 pm. I wanted to get in to see the plastic surgeon because he would know what was done during the surgery and if the lump was normal. The woman stated that she would have someone at the imagining center in the morning to see if I could be fit in earlier. The following morning, Friday, September 11th, at around 9 am, I received a call from the imaging center. As I had to leave for my second appointment by 1 pm, I was told to come in at 10 am and they would try to fit me in. The person I spoke to the previous day, made it seem urgent that I have the sonogram on the next day. I sat in the waiting room (going crazy) until approximately 1145. The radiologist did the sonogram and upon completion stated that he planned on doing a needle biopsy as well. I got extremely annoyed and frustrated, explaining that I had another appointment at 2, which I had explained when I made the appointment. I also stated that the person I had spoken to made it seem urgent that I see him. The radiologist explained that he was just trying to get me in quickly so that I wouldn’t get too anxious. I explained that I ended up more anxious with the sense of urgency. I ended up making an appointment for the following Friday, September 18th to get the needle biopsy. I went to my plastic surgeon appointment which turned out to be a waste. All he told me was to come back after the biopsy!!! I could have canceled the appointment and had the biopsy on the 11th & been done with it. Aargh!

I found out the following week that it was all good.  Just a reactive lymph node.  Or, as my doctor said, “it was a lymph node doing its job”.  I’ve got to get checked again in 6 months.  I pray everything stays good.

At the end of September, Pope Francis came to the US.  I had the honor of seeing him at Ground Zero and at Madison Square Garden.  Gillian accompanied me to Ground Zero.  We stood by the reflecting pool and awaited the Pope’s arrival.  We then sat on the grass & watched the service (on a screen) that was taking place in the museum.  Afterwards, I got Gillian on the train home and I went to MSG.  There was a wonderful concert prior to the start of the mass.  The whole experience was wonderful.

On October 10th, my sisters Monica & Frances, my daughter Gillian, and I participated in the Brooklyn Rock n Roll half marathon.  Carol, my former NYPD partner, talked me into doing the 1/2 & I asked my sisters and Gillian to participate as well.  (Thanks Carol).  I spent a few months training.  My left Achilles was not liking the jogging.  KT tape was useful. I also trained while on the cruise.  The whipping wind on the jogging track was tough but helped me with the hills during the half.  Unfortunately jogging in wind wrecked havoc with my hips.  Two weeks before the run, my right hip/groin was hurting so bad that I took a break for the week.  No jogging at all.  My hope at that time was just to finish the 1/2 marathon.  The night before I was still hurting.  I had hoped to finish the 1/2 in under 3:30, I was thrilled to finish in 2:53:48!  My right hip/groin still ache, but what are you going to do?  I’ve been going to physical therapy for all of my surgical issues, hopefully it will help the jogging aches and pains.

My sisters would like to do another 1/2 marathon, as would I, but it depends on how my hips/groin/Achilles heal.

Gillian and I did the “Making Strides Against Breast Cancer” walk today at Woodbury Common.  I was hoping to jog it but the walk was too crowded.  I should still take it easy.

October has been an amazing month with the NYPD.  Between October 1-30th, in honor of breast cancer awareness month, the NYPD is running the Pinkest Precinct contest.  Various precincts, Transit Districts, PSA’s (housing), and other commands have really gotten into the contest.  Check out twitter #NYPDBlueGoesPINK.  The pictures are great.  With a few exceptions, including the days, weeks, and months after 9/11, I have never been so proud to be a member of the NYPD.

I’m getting the unit I am now assigned to involved by hosting a “Pink Friday/Denim Day” fundraiser on Friday October 23.  For a $5 donation, MOS can wear jeans and, hopefully pink while at work.  An officer an I designed a challenge coin in honor of the month.  We will be selling them to raise funds for cancer charities as well.  Let’s find a cure for all cancers!

Have a great October and please pray for the 9/11 first responders and all those who lived and worked in the area of the World Trade Center on 9/11.  Too many are fighting cancers and other diseases.  Also pray for those who have succumbed to those same illnesses.

I haven’t written a post in a while. So much has gone on since my last post and I wasn’t sure how to put my thoughts and feelings into words. My last post touched on some of the issues. In the couple weeks prior to surgery I worked a number of protests. Mostly anti-police protests. As much as I don’t like surgery, I was glad to be away from work and the anti-police agenda. It’s not easy when you have to listen to people use all sorts of disparaging language against you and your profession. It’s also difficult to allow these same protestors to take over highways and streets and inconvenience the rest of the public. But we did. All of the protests and anti police rhetoric culminated in the assassinations of PO Ramos and PO Liu of the 84 Precinct (posthumously promoted to Detective) on December 20, 2014 in the 79 Precinct in Brooklyn. I was speechless. I watched every news program I could and wished I was back at work.

Christmas seemed bittersweet. It was great having the family over but the deaths of PO Ramos and PO Liu left a pall over the day. Detective Rafael Ramos was laid to rest on December 27, 2014.

I turned 48 on the 3rd of January.

Detective Wenjian Liu was laid to rest on January 4, 2015.

On January 5, 2015, PO Dossi and PO Pellerano, 46 Precinct were shot. Thankfully they survived. It was a tough time to be a member of the NYPD.

I made it back to work on light duty the second week of January and remained on light duty until mid February. I had previously noted that I had been transferred to a new precinct right before Thanksgiving. I was there for about two weeks and then went out sick with my last reconstructive surgery. I returned to full duty just in time for Chinese New Year and the accompanying celebrations (Dragon & Lion Dances). It was a fun time. I was just starting to get used to everyone in my new precinct and hadn’t even had time to liven up my bland office.

I was transferred the first week of March to an administrative position where I don’t have to wear my uniform on a daily basis. Not wearing the heavy gun belt is a godsend. It’s a Monday through Friday job. It’s much better for me at this point in my life as I’m still recovering from all of my surgeries. My scars are still tight and aching. I’m hoping the aches and pains will eventually go away. The new position requires me to write more. I’ve also learned a lot more about the NYPD. I enjoyed being on the street and will miss the many people I met while on patrol, however, I saw the writing on the wall.  I wasn’t going to get a command so instead of working the crazy hours of a precinct XO, I took a position that has business hours.  I actually go home every night.  Shocker!  The daily commute can be a bit much though; 4 hours a day.  I’ll eventually get used to it.

The second week of January, I had vacation. My sisters, mom, Gillian, and I went on a road trip to Maryland. Ham that I am, I sent a casting application in for a bridal show. This August is Charles’ and my 25th wedding anniversary and I wanted to get a gown for a vow renewal. Though the casting director of —– (will remain nameless at this point) advised me that the show I was hoping to appear in wasn’t casting at this time, they were casting for a new show & asked if I would be interested. I sent them some further information, they requested a short video, and I skyped with one of the casting people. They were interested. I was hoping to have Gillian and mom on the show, but the producers were more interested in the sister aspect so only my sisters and I were filmed. I was disappointed because Gillian & I always watch these types of shows together. Gillian was thrilled because she had no desire to be on TV. Gillian and mom were able to watch the filming though. Of course with my luck, the night before filming, I came down with a case of bronchitis!!! I couldn’t sleep because my chest was so tight. By the end of filming, I was utterly exhausted. I hope it turned out all right. The show should air sometime in April. It was a fun experience and being with my sisters made it even more memorable.

The day after filming, Gillian and I visited Johns Hopkins. She loved it. I thought the campus was beautiful. However, during the question and answer phase of the campus tour, someone asked how much the tuition was, and his question was never answered. Here’s the answer: Too much. (Unless they JH gives Gillian a lot of money, it’s not happening)!
We will be visiting SUNY Albany and City College (Sophie Davis Biomedical Program)in a couple of days. We’ll probably visit Temple at the end of April and visit others in the summer.

Gillian and I saw Wicked on Broadway at the end of January. (A Christmas gift!) I’d definitely see it again.

Xavier filmed his senior film project at our house over a weekend in February. He enlisted Christian as a go-fer. They were unable to do much on Saturday because one of the main characters failed to show up. Charles ended up stepping up and stepping in to the role. Charles did an excellent job. He did some amazing improvisation. One of the actors told Charles that he should get into acting. That will never happen as acting is not Charles’ “thing”. I can’t wait to see the finished product. Xavier is trying to get a decent cut done by next week so that he can submit the film to the “Diamond Film Festival” at school. Hopefully I can get down to Philly to see it. Xavier told me that he screened the film for his class and the teacher thought Charles looked too young to be the father of the actor whom played his eldest son. The teacher thought Charles was in his mid 30’s, not in his early 50’s!

I’ve seen a few doctors since my last post. So far, so good. I haven’t had any scans or MRI’s in a while. As I’ve had so much surgery, the scans would light up like a Christmas tree. It will probably be a few more months before any are done. My blood work continues to be good. I’ve seen my medical oncologist, radiation oncologist, general surgeon, plastic surgeon, etc. The last time I saw one of my plastic surgeons, he lasered the scars on my breasts and abdomen in order to remove some of the redness. He said he’d do it again at my next appointment. I should have him take care of the scars on my legs as well. I have red dots in various areas on the backs of my legs from the last surgery.
I saw my plastic surgeon. He lasered the scars on my abdomen and breasts again. I didn’t bother with asking about my legs. Maybe next appointment. He also removed some stitches that hadn’t dissolved along my abdomen (especially on my left side, which was irritated because I wear my gun on my left hip). He also likes the way my breasts are looking, though my right breast still could use some more fat injected in a few areas. I told that doctor that I could do without another surgery. He stated that he could do fat injections in the office under local anesthesia. It’s something to think about.
I got my port flushed again. The nurse asked how long I was going to keep it. I am going to keep the port at least until I have my scans done and get the results. It will be nice to have one less issue to deal with.

I haven’t seen the acupuncturist in over a month. He usually only works on Mott Street on weekends. I spoke to him prior to my transfer & he stated that he occasionally comes in Thursday nights. I’ve got to give him a call and set something up. The acupuncture and massages definitely helped with the scar pain.

I haven’t been able to get any good work-outs in since my transfer. I’m trying to join the gym here but I need a total physical first. I recently got the application and next week I plan to see my regular doctor to get it done. I went to Tae Kwon Do twice last week as I took one day off and got out early enough to go another day. The forms were easy enough, when I can remember them, but doing planks and crunches were painful. Push-ups are still out of the question. I went to class on Saturday as well and woke up yesterday, Palm Sunday, with an aching lower back! I really have to get back to class more often. I’m going to try to get there tonight with Gillian as I have this week off from work.

My niece Kirsten got married to Craig on Pi day (3/14/15). Congratulations guys! The whole family was invited and we had a great time. We danced the night away (though I everything ached the following day!)

Happy Easter!

It’s been a very busy month and a half since my last post.  Work has been crazy.  I ended in the Bellevue ER following an asthma attack.  I had been at the scene of a fire and inhaled soot.  Not fun.  I needed two treatments to stop the wheezing and tightness in my chest. Once again Gillian accompanied me to the Police Commissioner’s Theodore Roosevelt Awards Dinner. We had a nice night.

The Halloween Parade was busy. Lots of people were in the village! There was a steady misting all night. I ended up changing about 3 times because I had gotten cold and wet.

I was transferred to another precinct right before Thanksgiving.  I showed up on Monday (after going to the doctor because I had bronchitis) and didn’t get home until Thursday night.  I planned on staying Monday night and was going to head home Tuesday evening, however I got held over for a protest.  It happens.  I didn’t sleep very well though.  My old precinct had a decent bunk for me.  In my new precinct, I have a little cot.  I’m working on getting a decent bed so when I have to stay over, I can actually sleep.

The Thanksgiving Parade went over well.  It was raining early on and flurrying through out the parade.  It snowed the night before and power was lost at our house.   When the parade ended, I headed home.  We were supposed to go to Monica’s house but we didn’t get power back at home until the late afternoon.  I ate some ham and mashed potatoes, watched “Dancing with the Stars” and  passed out for 12 hours straight!  Unfortunately I didn’t get to spend much time with the family.  I was supposed to be off on Black Friday but my day off was canceled.  The boys were home for a few days but I didn’t get to spend much time with them.  Mom was going to visit Sunday but I had to go into work as well.  I’ll be working the rest of the week.

I made it back to an acupuncturist.  I went to a man in Chinatown.  I had been getting some back spasms and my right hip bothers me now and then.  The doc put about 31 needles in my back and hip.  He added some heat and electric stimulation as well.  The needles were left in for about 25 minutes.  This was followed up by a 30-40 minute accu-pressure massage.  I actually felt much better when he was done.  I will definitely go back to him.

I went to work Black Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, had Tuesday off. I worked the Christmas Tree Lighting at Rock Plaza on Wednesday and then worked through Saturday. I barely spent any time in my precinct. I mostly worked the various protests.

I saw the acupuncturist again on Saturday. I will be back to see him as soon as I go back to work.

Yesterday I had more surgery.  The doctors were going to adjust my right breast a bit, make a left nipple, and remove the adhesions and stitches that failed to dissolve in my abdomen.  This would have taken 2-3 hours. Instead, the doctors adjusted my right breast, made nipples for the right and left breasts, and in order to fix the adhesions and the tightness in the scar on my abdomen, the doctors reopened the incision, removed the scar and closed the incision lower down my abdomen. The doctors also did liposuction to the back of my thighs and lower back and used the fat to fill out my breasts and right butt cheek. The surgery took about six hours. I ended up staying in the hospital overnight. My backs of my thighs are black and blue & it’s painful to sit on hard surfaces (especially the toilet!!!). I’ve been walking around a bit and the pain is manageable. I’ve been taking Tylenol. I took 1 Percocet last night but I try to stay away from narcotics. I had two drains in my abdomen but the doctor was able to remove one today. I left the hospital with 1 drain that I have to empty regularly. I will see one of my doctors next week and hopefully that drain will be removed. I have a binder around my stomach and I’ll be wearing a girdle for two weeks to try to keep the swelling down. My face is swollen and the skin all around my right eye is red. It looks like I was slapped in the face. Apparently I didn’t take to the tape used to cover my eyes during surgery.
My hair is a mess and I can’t shower until the day after tomorrow. Ugh!

I’m sure I will be feeling better soon and will be back to normal. There should be no more surgeries after this. The last stage of my reconstruction, when I am all healed, will be tattooing areola around each of my reconstructed nipples. I can deal with tattoos!

Christmas is coming soon. I still haven’t sent out Christmas cards and we haven’t decorated our house yet. As soon as I am feeling better, we will get this all done. If I don’t get another post done before the end of the year, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! (In a couple of weeks, it will be 3 years since my second breast cancer diagnosis).

It’s been over two months since I’ve written a post.  Gillian and I are participating in Making Strides Against Breast Cancer tomorrow morning as we’ve done for many years together.  It’ll be my first walk since reconstruction (& partial right butt cheek removal- I’m half-assed!!)  so I doubt I’ll be doing the walk as quickly as we’ve done in the past.  We’ll see.

I went back to work full duty and since getting back to full duty, I’ve been working a lot and I’ve been pretty tired. I’m working a lot of evening tours (which is probably not the best for me).  I haven’t been able to get to Tae Kwon Do with the crazy hours.  Eventually I’ve got to find a position with normal hours.  It was pretty weird using the radio again.  It had been so long that I had forgotten some of the codes.  I found it pretty comical.  But what I found really wonderful was other cops telling me how great it was to hear me on the radio again.  Wow.  I am truly blessed with some wonderful friends and co-workers.

I worked 7 days straight during the UN General Assembly and also when the President came back to NYC.  Wearing my bullet proof vest and gun belt for all of those hours was a painful proposition (for my boobs & abdomen).  Standing on my feet for hours was & is a pain in the butt as well (literally).

I’ve got a couple days off now but next week will be super busy with Traffic Stat on Friday.  I probably won’t be home for a couple of days while getting ready.  The next big detail will be the Halloween Parade (followed by the Thanksgiving Day Parade, the Tree Lighting Ceremony, and the New Year’s Eve Detail).

I’ve seen my plastic surgeons and will be going in for my next surgery soon.  It should only be 2-3 hours long, as opposed to 10-12 hours & 7-8 hours that my last two were.  Some of the internal stitches in my abdomen never dissolved and became encapsulated.  They need to be removed.  I also have some areas of adhesion (where my skin is sticking to the muscle) that are very uncomfortable.  That will be taken care of as well.  Dr. L also wants to revise the flap that was done to make my right breast.  As previously noted, I have too much boob under my right armpit.  He wants to move it slightly.  The surgeons also plan to make a nipple on the left side (and eventually tattoo on an areola).  He may not be able to do the right side until it heals from the revision.  We will see.  I’m getting tired of surgeries but I also don’t want to be as uncomfortable as I’ve been.

My abdomen has been bothering me on and off.  The various scars get pretty itchy and achy as the day wears on.  I jogged (or trudged) on the treadmill for about 35 minutes a few days ago and followed that up by trying to do crunches/sit-ups.  Not the best idea on my part.  The doctors say I have no limitations  physically but I don’t really believe them.  I’m hoping I’ll be able to do all of the things I’ve done in the past but right now I just have to take it easier.  I have been trying to use the rowing machine (erg) at work to strengthen my legs and abdomen. There are days I can, and days I can’t.    What I am really hoping to do is get back to Tae Kwon Do at least a couple days a week.  Still trying for that second degree black belt.

I’ve got to head to bed as I am getting up early for the walk.  You can still donate or if you are up early, you can join us!

http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR?px=1215713&pg=personal&fr_id=62568&s_src=boundlessfundraising&s_subsrc=bfDskFbPfSched

Or if that doesn’t work, look for Team Coddfish on the Making Strides of the Hudson Valley, NY website.

I will try to update my blog more often.

Thanks so much for all of the prayers and thoughts.  Much love!

  PS- The walk went well.  We were joined by Teresa on the morning of the walk.  We had a great time.  The butt scar didn’t have an effect on my walk.  We still walked very fast & finished quickly.  Of course I’ll probably be limping later!!